Wednesday, January 29, 2014

The dark night

What was happening right before I woke up in cramped sweat was that I had walked into my cabin on a moving train having escaped the hotel in The Shining where an invisible, evil little girl was sabotaging all my attempts at escape.  It was the sort of dream that I couldn't shake the feeling of.  I got out of bed and walked around the house but felt fear as I climbed back into my dark bed, terrified of going back to that world.  I laid in the dark with thoughts of all the ways we're failing our children, so I eventually turned on the light and leaned forward, burying my face in the blankets and prayed for a while.

I told friends last night through our church that I was thinking of going back to school to become a grief counselor.  Darkness and I walk side by side, so I appreciated articles like this one in a mainstream newspaper yesterday:

"Alone Yet Not Alone" by David Brooks.

Both of our kids are very silly but at night for the last month or so, I find the one on the bottom bunk laying on the pillow with lines between eyebrows, worried and burdened.  I come down to his level, putting my hand on his head and ask, "What are you worried about?" 

His answer is always, "You know."

I do know.  It's something we talk about at night when he can't sleep.  I tell him that I wish I could carry this burden for him.  I'm not sure if this is why I've been having nightmares or not.  I'd appreciate some good dreams for all of us.