Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Old Lady Gangrene Face

In the building where I work, there's a skills training area for people wanting to pursue a job in a health-related or caregiver field.  The area is basically two small room off a kitchen.  Inside both of these rooms are basic medical equipment used for demonstration purposes, so we have there a hospital bed, a wheelchair, bedside table with chair, and I'm not sure what small items. 

It's hard for me, or anyone, to catch glimpses of small to medium sized objects thanks to the two huge, life-size old-lady dummies in the rooms.  These ladies have been around a while.  They had to have originally been from the Discount Medical Dummies Emporium and have not aged well. They are scary as shit. 

One is always laying on her back in the far back (definitely haunted) dark room.  She doesn't get out much.  She has scraggly grey, used-to-be-curled hair that now sticks out in mangy patches.  The worst part is her face.  Oh that face.  I drew a picture of her tonight to show my son, and my daughter hid her eyes the whole time.  She looks like gangrene has taken over her skin, and one eye is bulged out, about twice as big as the other. 

She's the one who startles everyone who comes through the office because she isn't static.  Old lady girlfriend is mobile.  Here's what ends up happening.  I'm walking through that area of the building to go ask a coworker upstairs a question, and notice something in the corner of my eye.  I turn and see her sitting upright in her wheelchair, eye bugged out, and I swear for half a second that it's a real person sitting there in the semi-darkness watching me.  My heart rushes to my throat, and gasp in fear every single time. 

There's construction going on in the building lately, and it's been fun to see the construction workers getting their introductions made to Old Lady Girlfriend With Gangrene Face and One Bulging Eye.  No matter how manly the construction worker, OLGWGFaOBE freaks him out.

Today, my daughter's girl scout troop came to my workplace for a tour and to give their donated cookies to our public relations/donations person.  It was a nice morning of learning about refugees, immigrants, geography, education, culture, and languages.  I also introduced them to Old Lady with Gangrene Face, which I am certain is going to be the only thing they remember about today. 

I know this because my daughter wrote her first letter tonight to her first pen pal and chose to write about meeting the dummy at her mom's work.  In her very first letter to her very first pen pal, she drew a picture of Old Lady with Gangrene Face laying in her hospital bed just waiting to come slit all of our throats. 

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